


Give It Time

by theobliviouswriter



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Depression, Gen, Other, Self-Harm, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theobliviouswriter/pseuds/theobliviouswriter
Summary: Lena, Lin's friend is depressed. He finds out she's still self-harming and confronts her about it. {Request}





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This was the first one-shot someone had requested and I had a lot of fun writing it! 
> 
> If you have a request, drop one in my Tumblr ask!
> 
> Tumblr: burrn

Lena wasn't the happiest person. 

That was an understatement. 

She was one of the saddest people she knew, other than Lin. But Lin was sad in a comical way, not a literal way. 

Her upbringing definitely didn't help her, plus her experience with bullies made things even worse. Essentially, Lena was affected to the point where she had to take "happy pills" and constantly conceal her legs in jeans. 

She was lucky to find a light in her life, and that light was her best friend, Lin-Manuel Miranda. He made her so much happier, but not happy enough to keep those angry voices out of her head. Sure, he was a distraction, but he wasn't always there to keep her from thinking about the things stupid bullies had told her years before. 

Lin knew about her depression, and he somewhat knew about the scars that littered her thighs. However, he wasn't aware of the recent relapse she had within the past few months. It was nothing she was proud of, for obvious reasons. A woman shouldn't have been cutting into her skin to take out her frustration, but in times of unreasonable thinking, it seemed to be the only thing to relieve her for the moment. 

It was another cold Manhattan morning, kind of. It started the same, but in the middle of her usual regimen, Lena got a call from her best friend. 

She talked to Lin a lot, but over the phone? Often times, it was only through text or FaceTime. He had grown to enjoy texting over talking, but she understood. She felt the same. 

Because he was calling, she assumed it was something urgent. Therefore, she picked up right away. 

"Lin?" 

"Hey, Lena!" Lin always seemed so exuberant, so happy. She didn't know how he constantly withheld the happy attitude. Then again, his dreams were coming true. He had a blockbuster Broadway show, several movies on queue, and many side projects. The man was living his life. Sure, it was possible for the rich and famous to not enjoy themselves. Take Robin Williams for example. The man had everything, but he was deeply unhappy. 

But Lin wasn't Robin Williams and Lena was glad of it. 

"What's going on, Lin? Are you dying? Did Tobi eat a butterfly again? Oh, Sebastian finally knows how to say my na-"

"No, no, no, slow down!" He let out a laugh, warm enough to make her deadpanned face slowly beam with a smile. "I'm in New York for a couple of days. I wanted to see you." 

Her eyes widened slightly, her smile only increasing in size. It had been a while since she had seen him face to face other than FaceTime with either him or Vanessa. "Like, today?"

"Yeah, I was actually going to do more than that...a lot of the original Broadway cast was going to just hang around Richard Rodgers Theatre and see the show later. Want to go?" Her eyes widened slightly at the mention of being around his cast friends. She had only caught glimpses of them in video messages or FaceTime. They knew of her. She just never met any of them. 

"You want me to actually meet your Hamilton friends for once? And what's the special occasion?" She let out a quiet chuckle as she leaned against the wall, looking outside the window of her apartment. The view was always her favorite thing about the small New York apartment she lived in. If she was going to pay a four figure rent monthly, she was going to have to get a pretty damn good view. 

"I invited you to Hamilton several times, Lena. Don't even pull that with me," he patronized in a playful tone, causing her to roll her eyes. 

"That one time was when I had the stomach bug and the other time was when I had to go to my grandmother's funeral. You know, the one you sent flowers to?" She rose a brow, despite not being face to face with him. She took a seat on the windowsill before sighing. "Can you pick me up? I don't have a car at the moment.." 

"Oh, yeah! Sure! Still in the same apartment?" He questioned. In the background, she could hear shuffling. It was probably Lin, being the man he was, gathering the books and papers he read and wrote on. 

"Lin, you've been gone for a month. I would not have moved," she snickered. As she waited for a reply, she looked down and nodded in approval. She was wearing a simple tee shirt and some leggings, which could suffice. She would just have to slide some shoes—probably Toms—on and throw her hair up. 

"True, true...I'll be there in a minute, hold on!" With that, Lin hung up, leaving Lena to sit there with words still on her lips. 

That was what she got for being friends with a whirlwind. 

Letting out an exhausted sigh, she stood up and stumbled to the bathroom. She still had to take her antidepressants and brush her teeth. 

However, just as she walked into her bathroom, there was a knock on the door. Glancing at her phone, she rose her brows. It hadn't even been a minute. "Record timing, Miranda.." 

After popping her antidepressants in her mouth and taking a swig of water, she headed to the door and opened it. As soon as she did, she was tackled by a five-foot-nine man with a hug. "Lena, my friend!" After giving her a big, bear hug, Lin pulled away from her and grinned. "How are you?" 

That was when reality practically slapped Lena in the face. The minute he asked, all happiness practically slid off her face. 

In response, Lin's smile slowly faded. "Hitting a rough patch?" 

Instead of speaking, Lena nodded slightly before walking back into his open arms. "Don't know why, I think the weather brings me down a lot." 

To soothe her, he gently rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Are you still going to your therapist? You're not, you know.." 

Lena looked at Lin and smiled slightly before shaking her head. She didn't want to tell him the truth; after all, it wasn't like he was going to see her thighs. "No." 

Relief filled Lin's face, causing guilt to fill her. But she just stuck to it. "Good, you know what I think about it. Now, are you ready to go?" 

Looking around, Lena made sure she had everything she needed. She didn't, she still had to put on her shoes. But once she did, she walked up to Lin, who was helping himself to a granola bar, and murmured, "Let's go." 

 

+

 

The halls of the theatre were terribly confusing to Lena; she was just glad she had Lin guiding her around. Otherwise, she would've been constantly asking people where in the hell she was. 

"Are we almost there?" She murmured in a sleepy voice. She was beginning to grow tired. Not physically, but mentally. She just wanted to sit down and talk with her friend; she was even beginning to fear meeting his Broadway friends, but she didn't have much of an option at that point. 

"Yeah, yeah! Just about—here they are! Hey, guys!" 

Lin and Lena stood there, Lin's grasp on her wrist since he was dragging her through the hallways. As he stood there, the room erupted with, "Hey Lin!" 

"I've got someone to show you!" He suddenly stated, causing Lena's eyes to widen. 

"Lin, please don't-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Lin pulled her into the doorway. "Meet the one, the only, Lena!" 

Her eyes widened at the sight of several famous people in front of her. They all looked at her with kindness in their faces, but she was still intimidated enough to be shaking slightly. And that was when Lin realized that he probably shouldn't have done that. 

She gripped onto his arm, still staring at the former cast members of Hamilton. All of them looked rather concerned. "Lin," she whispered, causing him to nod slightly. He knew that he messed up. 

Because of that, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her over to the empty chairs, which were right between Renée and Daveed. As soon as they were sat down, Lin leaned into her ear and whispered, "I'm sorry." 

She glanced at him and smiled slightly before patting his shoulder. "It's okay. You're a thespian. You're very outgoing." 

"That's the truth," Daveed chuckled before holding his hand out to Lena. "Daveed Diggs, and you're Lena...I've heard a lot about you." 

Lena rose a brow, turning towards Lin. "Oh? A lot?" 

"I used to have a picture of us in the dressing room. They asked me about you, I told them everything. Oh, and when you were on FaceTime with me those couple of times." 

"And why'd you not tell me this?" She quietly chuckled. "I would've liked to know that you had a picture of me."

"You would've if you weren't so conveniently out of town or sick," Lin taunted in a playful tone, earning him a swat on the arm. 

"Well, it's a pleasure to finally meet you," Jasmine spoke from across the table with a grin on her face. She seemed very genuine, and Lena liked people like that. As a letter of fact, all of them seemed to be kind. 

Lena felt as if she had a sixth sense when it came to the sort of thing; she knew when people were genuinely kind or when they were fake with the slightest glance. Dramatic people, especially, were easy to read. They wore their feelings on their sleeve. That's why she liked them so much. 

"It's nice to meet you too, I've heard so much about y'all," she muttered meekly, her voice thankfully carrying enough to them to hear, however. She hated repeating herself. 

"I'm sure you've heard more than you've wanted to," Anthony added in, grabbing Jasmine's hand. "You know, the walls are pretty thin here." 

"I'm just curious why we're all still sitting here. We should show Lena around! She's never been here!" Oak suddenly exclaimed, standing up. 

"Yeah, we should probably show her around. She almost got lost three times.." Lin let out a laugh, while Lena felt her cheeks warm up in embarrassment. 

"It's okay, Lena. We all got lost at first," Pippa sympathized before standing up as well. "Let's do this."

With that, everyone left the room to show Lena around, starting with Daveed. 

Lin was standing behind her like a protective brother, because that was what he felt like he was. He knew and trusted Daveed with all of his heart, but she didn't know him and he didn't want her to be intimidated. Thespians tended to be loud, after all. She was very soft spoken. 

"So, where are you wanting to go?" He hummed, gazing down at Lena. He basically towered over her. She was only about four-eleven, while he was a good foot or more taller. 

Instead of answering, Lena gazed over at Lin. She didn't know anything about the theatre, so she didn't even know where to start. 

"Prop room. Let's show her that," Lin decided, causing Lena to nod. 

Turning back to Daveed, she smiled. "That sounds good to me." 

"Good, let's go." 

As soon as they reached the prop room, Lena was feeling a little more at ease. It might've been the antidepressants kicking in, or it might've the fact that she beginning to be more trusting. After all, if Lin trusted them, she wasn't afraid to. 

"Kind of empty. There aren't way too many props for Broadway. Most of it is held to the audience's imagination. But there's still props. You know, like the desk, books, things like that," Lin explained as he walked into the prop room. Daveed and Lena followed suit. 

"I miss this place," Daveed murmured as he looked around. Lena kinda followed around him in curiosity. 

"Me too, but I have fifty other things to do," Lin murmured, running his hand over the desk they used. 

"I do too," Daveed sighed. 

Lena couldn't really say much as the two spoke about missing theatre and how they wished to put on another show. She hadn't seen the thing. She'd seen the creative process, she'd heard the songs from when they were only drafts, she heard the songs on the album. But otherwise, she hadn't really dived heard first into Hamilton. 

About two minutes later, Lin noticed that Lena was just kind of shuffling around, gazing at the books that were used as props. She was bored. He could tell by her mannerisms; her shoulders were slouched and her eyes were turned to the ground. Of course, she didn't have the emotional connection to any of the props like he or Daveed had, but he did wish that she was a bit more interested. 

While he watched her kind of just shuffle around, Daveed stood next to Lin and crossed his arms over his chest. "Watcha thinking, Miranda?" 

Glancing over, he half smiled at Daveed before shrugging. "I don't know about you, but I think she might like it if we got her in costume. Give her a bit of the Hamilton experience." 

Daveed looked over the girl before nodding slowly. "She looks pretty bored, you're right." 

"She's also pretty shy, don't fret about it," Lin muttered to Daveed before walking up to Lena. 

As Lin walked up, Lena turned to him and held the book open. It was a book with pages but no words except one. "Why did you write 'fuck'?" 

Daveed exploded in laughter as Lin stood there, rather amused. "Well...I was frustrated." He let out a brief chuckle before shaking his head. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to get in costume and get a feel for the stage. What do you say?" 

Lena's eyes widened at the mention of it. She was surprised at the suggestion, but then again, he was the playwright of Hamilton. He kind of had control over it. 

"Yeah, sure..that would be really cool," she chuckled, setting the "fuck" book down. "You'll just have to show me where it is because I-"

"We know," Lin and Daveed muttered simultaneously, causing Lena to giggle. 

Promptly, Daveed and Lin linked arms with Lena and began guiding her out of the room and down the hallway. 

As soon as they reached the dressing room, the three of them found Pippa pacing around her old dressing room, soaking up the nostalgia. Although it was tiring, she missed the hours she devoted to Lin's amazing musical. 

"Memory lane," Lin spoke up, causing Pippa to jump slightly. As soon as she realized that it was only him, she let out a quiet laugh. 

"Don't scare me like that, Lin! I nearly screamed!" Resting her hand over her heart, Pippa sauntered over to the three of them and held her hand out to Lena. "I don't believe we've properly introduced ourselves. Phillipa Soo, but everyone calls me Pippa." 

Lena was beginning to warm up to the cast. They were all so kind and welcoming, so she grasped onto Pippa's hand and shook it without hesitation. "Lena."

"Anyway," Daveed spoke, wandering farther into the room, "we were wanting to get Lena into costume, just to do something fun." Slowly, he turned to face Pippa. "You think you can help her into the dress? Don't wanna cross any boundaries." 

Pippa glanced over at Lena and rose a brow before asking, "You okay with that?" 

At first, Lena wrapped her arms around her body, slightly insecure. She didn't know if she wanted to show any of her body, even if it was only for a brief second. However, a voice inside of her head told her to break out of her boundaries. Because of that, she nodded her head and stepped a little bit closer to Pippa. "Sure. Let's do this." 

Lin clapped, causing everyone to look at him. "Have fun, girls! Let's go, Daveed. We should give them some space." 

After grabbing onto Daveed's arm, Lin dragged him out. That left Pippa and Lena alone. 

"So, who do you want to dress up? M-Eliza? Peggy? Maria?" After Pippa turned around, she gazed at the girl for a while before murmuring, "You'd probably fit in Peggy's or Maria's dress best." 

While Pippa was deciding which dress would look best, sudden realization hit Lena. How was she going to dress without Pippa seeing her thighs, her extremely cut up thighs? 

No wonder her brain wanted her to actually participate. So she could embarrass herself. 

"Lena?" 

She looked up to find Pippa standing there, a red dress in her hands. "Something wrong?" 

Worry must have been written all over her face. She usually was very expressive. Instead of expressing her worries, she smiled at Pippa. "All is good, I was just thinking."

Pippa gazed at her apprehensively before slowly nodding. "Okay...you'll probably need help with putting on the outfit, so just take what you're wearing off. Even your bra. We'll get some tights on you." After placing the dress down in an orderly manner, she rushed off to grab some tights. 

Even her bra? Lena let out a shaky breath before she slowly pulled her clothes off. With each article of clothing removed, she became more and more nervous. Once she was nearly naked, she hugged her arms over her chest and began to cry. 

"Len- oh my God." Lena looked up, finding Pippa staring at her torn up thighs. Immediately, she clasped her hands over her thighs and turned around. 

"Don't tell Lin, please." 

Only seconds later, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned slightly and stared at Pippa. "You're better than that, I promise." Handing her the stockings, Pippa walked back over to the dress and began preparing it for Lena to put on. 

Pippa's words sounded worried and taken aback. Lena understood why, what woman cut herself? 

Sighing, Lena slid the stockings on. 

It was quiet the rest of the time Lena was getting ready. Other than putting on the dress, Pippa curled her hair and did her makeup. It was nice having someone do something for her. She truly enjoyed it. 

Once Pippa was finished, she had Lena turn around to look at herself in the mirror. 

She was astounded to say the least. Lena felt like she looked so different, but in a good way. Slowly, she walked up to the mirror and squinted her eyes. "Is that me?" 

Pippa chuckled as she walked up behind the girl. "Yes, and you look beautiful. Now, let's head to the stage." 

With that, Pippa guided Lena to the stage, and as soon as they reached it, the girl was surprised to find everyone dressed, except for Pippa. Oh, and Lin was missing. 

"My, my, my," Daveed murmured, gazing at her with impressed look written all over his face. "Hello, Miss Maria Reynolds." 

"You look great!" Jasmine gaspsed, rushing over to look at Lena. "You could totally play her! Now: do you sing?" 

"Well, I-"

"Lena!" 

Turning around, Lena found Lin standing there, costume and all. He looked great, but his arms were crossed over his chest. Knowing his mannerisms, she could tell something was up. 

"Hey, Lin. You look nice." 

He made his way over to her, and as soon as she was in arm's reach, he held his hand out for her to take. 

After grasping onto his hand, he pulled her a little closer and spun her around with a smile on his face. However, his smile faded once he stopped twirling her. 

The look he was giving her already made her realize what the talk was going to be about, so she sighed quietly. "Come with me." 

Obliging, she followed behind Lin to his old dressing room. Once they entered, he shut the door behind them and faced her. 

"So...what is this about?" She asked. Not because she wanted to play the "clueless" card, she just wanted to know if it was going to be about the scars on her thighs or something else. 

However, the look on his face made her realize that it had to be about the scars. "Don't do this, Lena. Tell me, when was the last time you cut yourself?" 

It was rare for Lin to be fuming, but she could tell that he was absolutely angry. 

"About three days ago I think." As she gazed at Lin, she could only tell that he was beginning to become angrier. 

"Why didn't you tell me that you were that depressed, Lena? Why did you lie to me? You're supposed to tell me this kind of stuff," he finally burst. However, he was able to keep himself from yelling. It was a sharp tone, but nothing more. "And why cutting, Lena? That literally never accomplishes anything." 

"I'm sorry, Lin. I really am. It is just..I-"

Lin grabbed her by the wrists and held her hands in front of her face. "Use these to write a story or play or song, paint a canvas, play a piano, not to drag a piece of shitty, thin metal against your skin. I know the good you can do, Lena! I want you to use those hands for the good, not the bad. I know that sometimes the world looks big and scary. I know you sometimes feel like the world would be better without you. Give it time. I gave it time and I became a playwright for the biggest musical on Broadway. You can do it too." 

Lena stared at Lin for a while, her breathing heavy. She was a bit overwhelmed, but she wouldn't say anything. So they stood there, his fingers wrapped around her wrist. "But I'm not you, Lin."

"Some victories are smaller than others, Lena. You graduated college as the valedictorian. Celebrate that. You have a great job, be proud of that. Having everything in the world will make you happy." 

Slowly, Lin closed the space between them as he wrapped his arms around her. She did the same, giving him a squeeze. "I love you, Lin. Thank you for always being there for me. I'll try my best...and I'll tell you if I run into something bad." 

"I love you too," he breathed as he held onto her.


End file.
